Norton: The quiet superpower
If you want to build stronger relationships, at work, at home and everywhere in between, there’s one often overlooked superpower that is more overlooked and even more effective than charisma, charm or even competence.
It’s curiosity.
Curiosity isn’t about being nosy. It’s about being genuinely interested in other people, what they care about, what makes them tick, and what they’re navigating in life. Curiosity sends a message that says, “You matter to me.”
The best salespeople already know this, at least when it comes to their clients. Ask a top performer about their biggest accounts, and they’ll light up. They’ll rattle off the names of spouses and children. They’ll know who has a golden retriever named Max and who has an anniversary next Tuesday. They’ll know which client is a diehard Notre Dame fan and which one skis Beaver Creek every winter.
They’ve earned that level of trust because they’ve earned the right to know their clients on a deeper level. And that kind of trust only comes through curiosity.
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But here’s the gut-check: When I ask those same salespeople what they know about the people who support them at work, teammates, operations staff, even their own leaders, their answers get vague, and the connection fades.
This same pattern shows up in our friend circles, communities and even families. The people we do life with often get the least of our curiosity. We assume we know them already, or we’re too distracted to ask a deeper question.
Recently, I asked a few friends and golfing buddies some simple questions about the guys in our group, people we’ve played dozens of rounds with and shared plenty of meals. The results were humbling.
No one could name another guy’s birthday or anniversary. No one remembered where anyone had gone on vacation. When I asked about wives’ favorite restaurants, a few answered quickly, others guessed. Then I asked their child’s favorite color. One guy cautiously offered, “I think it’s pink?”
I pressed further: “What music are your wife and kids listening to right now?” Silence. A few chuckles. And then a quiet realization: We didn’t know nearly as much about the people closest to us as we thought we did.
Why? Because we stopped being curious.
We live in a me-centered world. Social media encourages us to share everything we’ve accomplished, what we’re doing, and what we think. Somewhere along the way, we lost the habit and the desire to ask meaningful questions of the people right in front of us.
Here’s the irony: We all want deeper relationships. We want stronger teams at work, better marriages, tighter friendships, and more connected families. But instead of leaning into them, we double down on ourselves.
If we want to grow closer to others, we must flip the script. We have to move from “me talk” to “they talk.” That’s how relationships deepen, trust builds, and walls come down.
Want stronger teams? Ask your coworkers what they love doing outside of work. Learn their kids’ names. Celebrate their birthdays. Discover what lights them up, and follow up when they share something personal.
Want to reconnect at home? Get curious again. Ask your spouse what they’ve been dreaming about lately. Ask your kids what music they’re into and why. Ask better questions, and then really listen.
Curiosity doesn’t cost a thing, but it pays dividends in every relationship.
The truth is, most people have a powerful story to tell. But they rarely get asked to tell it. When you become genuinely curious, you give others the gift of being seen, not for what they do, but for who they are.
Yes, your story matters. But when you become great at asking about someone else’s story, you unlock a level of connection, trust and relationship that most people only wish they had.
Be curious. Stay curious. Watch every relationship around you grow stronger.
As always, I’d love to hear your story at gotonorton@gmail.com. When we learn how to lean into curiosity, life truly becomes better than good.
Michael Norton is an author, a personal and professional coach, consultant, trainer, encourager, and motivator of individuals and businesses, working with organizations and associations across multiple industries.
